Date With a Handwitch
by Penelope Smitty
Summary: When the Handwitch's boyfriend dumps her, she goes on a revenge date with Stan. And just to make sure he cooperates, she holds Mabel and Dipper hostage.
1. Chapter 1

Someone (or something) was knocking on the door of the Mystery Shack.

"Who could it possibly be at this hour?" Stanley Pines muttered as he walked to the door. He opened the door. It was the Handwitch.

"Good evening Mr. Pines" she said. Stan shrieked and slammed the door. He turned around and pressed his back to the door. He heard footsteps, a door creaked open, and an eerie light filled the hallway. Stan gave another shriek and shielded his face with his arms.

"Uncle Stan?" came Mabel's voice. Stan lowered his arms. It was just his niece and nephew.

"Are you okay? What's going on?" Dipper asked.

Stan was breathing hard. "The Handwitch! She's at the door!"

"You mean that witch who lives in the cave?" Dipper asked.

"Do we know any other Handwitches?" Stan snapped.

"Well don't be rude" Mabel said. "Let her in!"

"No!" Stan snapped.

Mabel shouted "What do you want?"

"I have a very important question for Mr. Pines" the witch shouted. "It will benefit him greatly."

Thinking of money, Stan swung the door open. "Step right this way."

They walked in to the living room.

"Will you go out with me?" the witch asked.

"What!?" Stan exclaimed. "No!"

"Please?" the witch begged. "My boyfriend just dumped me."

"How does dating you benefit me?" Stan asked. "I'd have somebody other than myself to think about."

The witch snapped her fingers. An army of hands paraded into the house and grabbed Dipper and Mabel.

"Go out with me or they die!"


	2. Chapter 2

Stan was getting dressed for his date. The witch said that she would release the twins if Stan went out with her. Just one date. And if she wasn't satisfied, or if he called the police, she would kill the twins. The witch was waiting in the livingroom. He gulped.

"It's only a one hour date" he told himself. "You can do this. For the kids."

He left his room and walked down the stairs to the livingroom. The witch was even uglier. Her filthy white hair was pulled back in a bun and she was wearing a pound of makeup.

"Ready to go?" Stan asked.

The witch nodded and she rose. "What's the plan for the evening?"

"To Greasy's" he grunted. The witch wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"It's the fanciest place in town" Stan lied.

"It doesn't sound fancy" the witch snorted.

"It's all I can afford" Stan grumbled. This was true.

"I better have a good time tonight" the witch threatened as they walked to the door.

"You will" Stan assured her. They went outside. The witch looked around.

"Where's the car?" the witch asked.

"What car?" Stan asked. "I don't own a car. All I have is a golf cart."

The witch groaned.

"Hey" Stan snapped. "You have no right to complain. This has got to be your first date, in what, twenty years?"

"And when was your last date?" the witch snapped.

"A few months ago" Stan bragged. The witch glared at him.

"You know, polite people don't talk about past dates on dates."

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a polite person."


	3. Chapter 3

They arrived at Greasy's.

"This doesn't look like a five-star restaurant" the witch said.

"It's the best in town" Stan said.

They walked up to the door. Stan opened it and let himself in. The witch's face turned red with anger. She pounded on the door. Lazy Susan opened it.

"Hi" she said. "Did Stanley Pines just walk in here?"

Lazy Susan nodded. The witch pushed past her and saw Stan sitting in a booth at the back of the diner. She stormed over to him.

"About time" Stan said casually. "What took you so long?"

"I thought you were going to hold the door open for me" the witch snarled.

Stan laughed. "What makes you think I would do that?" he asked. "You could've done it yourself. You have your own two hands plus an entire army of hands. Use those."

The witch was so angry she actually started sweating.

"Remember our deal Pines" she growled.

Stan nodded. Lazy Susan handed them menus.

"Whenever y'all are ready" she said.

Stan passed back the menus.

"Two omeletts please."

"You didn't let me order!" the witch snapped.

"I didn't think you would like anything on the menu" Stan said. "They don't serve toad or bones here."


	4. Chapter 4

"What are we going to do, Dipper?" Mabel asked.

The twins were sitting in the Handwitch's cave. They were tied together, back-to-back.

"Don't worry, Mabel" Dipper said. "I'll think of a way out this, I promise."

They were the only ones in the cave.

"Mabel, try and reach into my pocket" Dipper said.

Mabel reached her arm back and slid her hand into Dipper's pocket. She pulled the knife from her brother's pocket.

"I have it" she said.

"Good" Dipper said.

Mabel began to saw the ropes.

"Done" she said.

Dipper grinned. "Sweet."

They tugged until they were free and then stood up in the cave.

"Now what?" Mabel asked.

Dipper took his sister's hand and began pull her towards the cave's entrance.

* * *

They were still at Greasy's. The witch was stirring her milk shake with her spoon. Stan was texting his brother.

"Well, this was a waste a time" the witch said. "Say goodbye to your niece and nephew."

Stan looked up from his phone. "Did you say something?"

The witch groaned. "Why me? Why am I always the one with the lousy dates?"

"You don't exactly have a great personality" Stan said.

The witch glared at him.

"One decent date" the witch sighed. "Is that too much to ask?"

"Are you always this whiny?" Stan asked.

The witch glared at him.

"You've been nothing but a jerk all night" she hissed.

"This is news to you?" Stan said, texting.

The witch glared at him.

"You seem to have forgotten our agreement" the witch said. "I hope you're happy. Your ignorance just cost you your niece and nephew."

"No! Please don't!" Stan cried, jumping up from his chair.

"Grunkle Stan!" Dipper yelled as he and Mabel burst through the door.


End file.
